The ‘other’ family

My birth mother is visiting here for the first time.  It’s a rather different experience for me, since when I met my wife, my adoptive mother had already passed away, and my adoptive father was in the midst of his Alzheimer’s, so he didn’t possess his full faculties when interacting with my wife (who at the time was my girlfriend).  So, in this instance the woman visiting is my mother, but she didn’t raise me.  When we first met a little under 2 years ago, there was a point where we had to decide what I was going to refer to her as.  Would I use her real name?  No, that didn’t feel comfortable to me.  Growing up, when I addressed my friends’ parents, I never called them by their first name, it was either Mr. Smith, or Mrs. Jones.  As I got older, one of my neighbors had mentioned that now I’d gained my majority, that I was in my 20s, it would be ok for me to call them by their first names.  I tried it, but it didn’t feel right.  So I went back to calling them Mr. and Mrs. It just felt better.

So we settled on ‘Mom’.  She felt that was better, but she wanted me to be aware that in NO way was she interested in supplanting the memory of my adoptive mother, or replacing or disrespecting her.  She wanted that understood from the very beginning and I most definitely felt better when she said that.  She just wanted to be a part of my life now that she had finally found me again.  (Who can blame her, it took the better part of 50 years for her to be successful!)  Admittedly, after getting the message from my half-brother asking for information and trying to be sure I was the ‘right’ person, he did offer me the option of just telling her that I was ok, but I didn’t wish further contact. I thought long and hard about that…considering that both my adoptive parents were deceased, my adoptive brother is estranged and I don’t interact much (at all) with my cousins.  So in many ways, in a family aspect, I keep to myself.  My wife is much the same way with her extended (also adoptive) family.

After much thought and discussion with my wife, I decided to allow the contact to develop on its own.  Over the years I’d thought many times about taking the effort to go look for her, but was always stopped by the possibility that she didn’t wish for me to do so.  That she’d rather keep the distance the way it was.  I only had a basic understanding of what the circumstances were regarding the adoption, and certainly that was from the interpretation of my parents.  Their lawyer knew all of the details of course, but did he share them with my parents?  I didn’t know, and by the time I received the latter information from their lawyer’s office (after his death), it was a moot point.  There may have been details that he took to his grave.  In my adoption papers, on the cover, it said ‘Infant male baby Adams‘.  So, I had a probable starting point.  As it turned out, that was my mother’s maiden name.

As I always do, I’m getting off topic here.  If you’ve read me for a time, you understand that happens.  Long winded and get off topic….that’s me!  Anyway.

I was walking through the house this morning, and happened to look upon my (rather dusty) DVD display rack.  When I was cleaning house over the last month, I’d taken care to ‘sanitize’ the house of certain aspects of my kink existence.  Certainly there are hints (if one looked closely enough) that people are less vanilla than one might expect.  If my mother forayed into the back bedroom and snooped around, she’d find one or more of my toy bags, chock full of my BDSM paraphernalia.  Too, some of the larger steel items are tucked away in drawers and closets in one of the other bedrooms.  If she got really bold, in the back of my clothes closet is hanging part of my flogger collection!  But as I was looking at the display rack, I did a double-take and then an eye-roll.  Right there on the top shelf, between two Hollywood blockbusters were three kinky BDSM movies.  Oy.  Has she seen them?  I have no idea.  Should I remove them, and then she’d notice they were missing after looking over the collection again?  Well, I’m not sure, but I did remove them and put them elsewhere for safe-keeping.  Granted I haven’t watched those particular videos in probably 3 years, and by all rights I should have recycled, re-sold or just plain pitched them (they’re not original movies, just re-treads from a now defunct website).  But I just smiled a little to myself and thought “It’s an adult household”.  BDSM may indeed be becoming more mainstream, but not necessarily where my mother is concerned.  And no, I don’t wish to go to the spot in my mind (like every kid) where they think about their parents doing ‘the dirty’.  Or anything else.  Thanks.  Please pass the brain bleach on that one!

All in all, the visit with my mother is going well.  Two years ago I visited her at her house (I stayed nearby in a motel, I didn’t feel comfortable staying in her house, even though she VERY graciously offered her guest room) and we did some sightseeing in the area.  I grew up in the Hudson Valley, but my section was in the northern confines, and where she lives is a bit further south.  So, while being familiar with the area generally, she knew things that I didn’t and showed me places I was unaware of.  Too, she showed me where her childhood home was, and I did the same for her.  Showed her where I went to school, to college and where I lived at various points in my life.  She shared with me my family history that (naturally) I was completely unaware of, and certainly compared to my adoptive family, I have a far-flung off extended birth family that’s quite prolific.  Not to mention that I’m an Uncle four times over spread over two half-siblings.  And in contrast to my adoptive upbringing where I’m (by far) the youngest, I’m the eldest in this ‘new’ family.  Which is admittedly, weird.

Admittedly, I wasn’t looking forward to her visit, because we’re such homebodies here.  She’s going home tomorrow…and for some reason, I really don’t want her to go.

Successful vacation


Yes, I know I’m overdue for a blog post.  It’s been a whirlwind week.  Actually, sometimes it’s hard to believe its been 6 days since I was getting ready to head out to visit with my girl in Pennsylvania.  I had brought my laptop with me to keep track of everything and was intending to chronicle the visit, but atypically, we were so busy I only unpacked it once and used it to check emails and a couple of blogs that I habitually follow, and that was about it.

Generally, though, that’s what happens when you have limited time, and are trying to squeeze so much into so little.  We’d been apart for 7 1/2 months but only had just under 3 days to accomplish what we wished to.  By the numbers (I’m an analytical sort) we were going to have 70 hours together. That sounds like a lot, but you have to figure 24 hours of that was going to be sleep, so that brought us down to 46 hours of time. A little less than 2 days.

Even so, I think we got a lot accomplished. I took her play cherry, she got to experience subspace, we made some inroads in what she can take, what she likes, (and yes what she might NOT like) and more solidified our relationship. From what she was, to what she now is. We’ve been dancing around the term ‘property’ for some time, but aside the legalese, I’ve claimed her as my own. She now wears my collar, belongs to me, and can show a physical item to anyone that wishes to be made aware of that. We’ve been on a path for about the last year, in my eyes, that path has now narrowed a bit. Where once we walked side by side, now she follows. On my leash, in my ownership and she’s very content with that development.

More to come, this was just an overview of the event that recently took place.

There’s something to be said…


…about concentration and being able to do so under pressure.  Case in point.  Right now it’s 1:30 am and I have to be on the road in about 8 1/2 hours.  For the most part yesterday I ran errands and did a fair number of things around the house that should have been done in the last couple of weeks, but being me,  I always wait until the last minute.  Sometimes the very last minute.  But I managed to get most of them accomplished.  Suffice it to say the hedges in front of the house are now trimmed back to a more aesthetically pleasing level, the lawn is mowed and trimmed in all the right places and finally, I got the marigolds and impatiens planted in the beds in the front of the house.  Yes, I know they should have been planted about a month ago.  Hush.  This evening the wife and I had soup and sandwich for dinner because that was inherently easier than cooking anything else, and we’d already dropped a good amount of cash at the grocery store earlier in the day, and that basically was part of what we shopped for.  The rest was frozen food for her to have while I’m away and some other bits and pieces of the puzzle so she can survive while I’m out of the local picture for the next few days.  After that, a little chatting with my girl, then I headed upstairs to pack not only my clothing but more importantly my toybag.  Just coincidentally, it was still packed from when I went to visit my girl back last November, so I needed to remove all that stuff, catalog what I had, list what I needed to bring this time, and pack that.  Made a list of what I needed to have in other items, packed both my bags and set them aside for today.  There are other things that I can pack in the morning, like my pillows, my CPAP machine and a few other odds and ends.  Yes, the cookies too.  A damn good thing I don’t like macadamia nuts or those 4 dozen cookies would be halfway gone.

While I was out and about this morning, I happened to spot a vintage automobile, and it just so happened to park at a place across from where I was getting my lunch.  Fortunately, I had my phone with me and got a picture of it from the back.  The funny thing about this area is, there’s a fair amount of people here that own Ford Edsels.  Honestly, I’d never seen one in person before I moved here.  I can’t really imagine why they never caught on when they originally were for sale.  They’re a really handsome car when you think about it.  At least I think so.  Btw, that’s not an Edsel, I was just musing on the fact this place is lousy with them.

The closer you get…


…the more harried you become.  At least that’s how it is with me.  It’s now 3-4 days until I blast off on my meeting with my girl and I’m (as usual) no closer to being ready.  Quite coincidentally,  there’s a visit happening here at the house the week following my sojourn south, and with the house here being it’s usual wreck /craphole/disaster area less than idyllic clean situation, there’s things to be done in the interim.  Though I’m not further along in getting them done either.

I’m a procrastinator.  Always been one, probably always will be.  Certainly much to the chagrin of both my wife, my girl, and as I recall, my parents.  I just never have seen the urgency of getting things done on time, or getting to appointments on time.  Don’t get me started on the getting to work on time issue.

Speaking of procrastination, I slipped this baby into the draft column and only now (3 days later) have I pulled it back out and given it some love.

Last night I baked cookies for my girl to take with me on my trip tomorrow.  At least that’s done!  Today is for going to the chiropractor so I don’t have to worry about back pain for the remainder of the week (I hope!)  getting some planting done outside, and turning over some flower/vegetable beds so the wife can plant things that should have been in the ground a couple weeks ago.  Sometimes you have to get the one with muscles to do the bull work, even though I’ve been tinkering with the Troy-Bilt rototiller over the last week or so.  Some things are even beyond a 40 yr old bit of machinery.  So I’ll break out the garden fork and get cracking on that when I get home.  Then it’s back inside to wage war on the piles of stuff I should have done back over the weekend.  Wish me luck!

I’m going to probably need it.  Packing I won’t do until either tonight or tomorrow morning.  At least I have my list started!

Baking for my babygirl

Countdown to blastoff for seeing my girl is down to a little under 33 hours.  One major request she wanted for our meeting was me to bake her some of her favorite cookies.  Apparently she has a big thing for macadamia nuts.  Figures she’d pick a nut that was astronomically expensive.  But, it’s a nice gesture on my part and after all, I worked in a commerical bakery for 12 years, might as well put my meager skills to good use.  Like with all things, I’ve been procrastinating on this, but at least in this case for good reason.  The recipe I’m using has a shelf life of about 5 days unrefrigerated, and I don’t intend to freeze them just to eek out a day or two extra.  I’d rather she have them as fresh as I can get them to her, and still be able to get sufficient sleep the night before I leave.


Granted, we don’t have commerical grade equipment here for our cooking and baking purposes, for the most part its things that have been cobbled together from 2 distinct households, along with many other doodads and things collected over the course of our nearly 25 year marriage.  The one thing I’m most grateful to have is my MIL’s old Kitchen-Aid mixer.  Damn thing won’t die thank goodness.  It’s one of the really old models, before Hobart decided to add a hinge on the main drive part so you could swing the head back in order to clean your beater/paddle/whisk easier.  Considering at the bakery I worked at, we had gigantic versions of this mixer, I’m very comfortable using a spatula to clean the paddle, or even my hand as I used to do the same thing eons ago.  Even so, I’m extra careful not to have the mixer plugged in while I’m fiddling with the bowl, I’ve heard some rather unsavory stories about what happens when people’s appendages or digits meet an ornery piece of mixing machinery, there’s a reason they call people ‘Lefty’ way back when…or even more currently.

Start to finish, the recipe called for about 2 1/2 hours.  I think that it came out almost that long, but adding in cooling time and cleanup, it ended up being a bit longer than that.  Certainly having to chronicle this (and figure out the layout for the pictures) took more time as well, since it’s now about 2:15 am EDT.  Headed up to bed in a few minutes, as I have a crapload of things to do today, because yet again, I’m a procrastinator.  But I have cookies!  4 damn dozen!  I think someone is going to be appreciative…if not full in due time.  Nighty night.