When it comes to buying kinky toys, I have a weakness. I may not be able to play as regularly as I like (meaning hardly ever) but that doesn’t mean I’m not well supplied when the time comes. Too, if I can build something instead of buying it, I’m not averse to that either. Fortunately (or un), not everything can be purchased or easily shipped, or even stored in its most useable form.
With that in mind, places like hardware stores, big-box hardware retailers like Lowes and (Dom) Home Depot come in very handy. A term was coined many years ago (30+?); ‘pervertables‘, normal everyday items that can be used in a kinky fashion, but the manufacturers of said items probably never dreamed they could be perverted to what their eventual use became.
Most people use the term when it comes to household items like wooden spoons, or clothespins (pegs), pins/needles, hairbrushes, wood clamps, there are literally thousands of items that can be used for more than their intended purpose, and can be enjoyed by both kinky and vanilla when it comes to bedroom (and other) places.
Case in point. For quicker methods of building furniture, I offer for consideration Kee Klamps. It’s a shortcut to the expense of learning how to weld, as one can use the connectors like an adult version of Tinker Toys™. And they’re rather easily available, and once built can be disassembled as easily as they’re put together. Considering they can be made into things like railings, furniture (including the base of a bed or pillory) or as an addition to something else, it wouldn’t take very long to create many kinky fabrications that are not only sturdy, but cost a lot less than having someone else make it and either have it shipped to you assembled, or disassembled.
As of right now, I just have thoughts in my head of what I might build, since the probability of having someone nearby to use it with, is unfortunately remote.
Stay tuned for when that changes though. The game is afoot!
I look at the calendar. Another day passed since I saw her last. I can still remember what she looked like, what she smelled like when we parted. I gave her the hat I purchased for myself at the museum so that she had something else of mine to keep close to her. At the time, we had been planning to get together again in a couple of months. But that didn’t happen. Then more suggestions of when to get together. Those didn’t happen either and winter set in.
During winter, it was as if there was a wall set up around one of the state borders, and it was made of ice and snow. Where she lives, it occasionally snows, not as it does in the Mid-Atlantic region where I reside. Too, her vehicle isn’t completely reliable in many ways, so driving a good distance isn’t recommended. Another roadblock of sorts, that keeps us apart. Of course, at this point, we talk about the big bugaboo, money. Working full-time when you’re living alone doesn’t afford you a lot of ‘mad money’, or funds for outside activities. Especially when you’re in an industry that doesn’t pay all that well, even when one has the experience. So saving money ends up being literally nickels and dimes, which doesn’t afford one the ability to be free to travel. The last two times we got together, I either paid the lion’s share of the costs or accepted what she could at that time afford to contribute. The first time I rented a car and drove 10 hours to see her. The second time, we met approximately midway between the two of us. That time I drove the family vehicle. I have to admit, I was pretty shocked how much it cost to rent a vehicle for a week the first time. Astronomical was the word I believed I used then.
As the days count down towards the one year mark for the time we’ve been apart, it makes me more and more melancholy. Sure, we keep in touch via social media, phone calls, texts and the like, but it’s most definitely not the same thing as being there. Spending time with her, even if it’s just sitting on the couch, watching television together, or her sliding down off the couch to rest her head on my knee while we’re doing whatever. Having that physical contact is key, and it’s what we’re missing. I hear about her adventures with her poly family, and honestly, it bothers me that she gets to have adventures, and I don’t. I’ve been sitting here spinning my wheels for 344 days. Too, it reminds me of the collar fiasco. I thought about getting her another one, but if I’m not there to see it, to enjoy seeing it on her, what’s the point? And besides, it’s another outlay of my money for her benefit. So it too got shelved.
Finally, I’ve given up shopping for toys. I have so many here that have no purpose, no use, other than taking up space in the house. My wife looks at them, then at me, and doesn’t ask the question we both know she’s thinking. “what are you going to do with all this stuff??” Honestly, right now….nothing.
Ugh, this is hard to write. But its harder still to endure. I have no idea what the solution is, but I am extremely tired of waiting. And watching. And observing. And being left out.
We’ve had guests of the vanilla persuasion here this week, so my kinkified living situation (ha, I made a funny) has been on vacation as well. Even so, my BDSM addled brain continues unabated and I can confirm that due to something that happened yesterday while we all were out running errands.
After visiting a strip mall to get cat litter (Petco has a deal where one can get 35 lbs./15.87 kgs. of litter for $10) and discovering a women’s clothing store was closed/vacant that one of our out-of-town guests had intended to shop, we jetted down to the local Kohl’s and shopped there instead. Having finished that errand, we still had some time to kill waiting for the appropriate hour for going to dinner.
We have a Hobby Lobby here, and admittedly I’ve never been in one. It’s an experience to be sure. Similar to Michael’s (coincidentally there’s one of them nearby) in that they sell all sorts of items from picture frames to knick-knacks, baking supplies, model kits, painting supplies and so on. The owners of the company are religious, so the store is closed on Sundays (like Chick-fil-a) and they have religious Muzak playing over the sound system. At least its not so annoying you’re going to wish you were deaf. The staff are friendly, even to the point of ebullience.
While we were all there, we pretty much went our separate ways. I just flitted from one area to the next, looking for things that appealed, always keeping an eye out for bargains. Even so, my kinky underpinnings were having a good time. There were plenty of crafty items that could be repurposed, though a Lowes or Home Depot would make many things easier. Wrought iron bars with accompanying elbows could easily be transformed into restraints or even tie down spots on a bed or chair or even a floor or wall. For many years Kink.com and Insex made a mint showing how simple items could be bastardized into something very kinky and extremely versatile. Just have to possess the right imagination and see beyond the original intended purpose.
In the end, I only bought a couple of things. A trivet for my personalized cutting board, and a dual 5×7 picture frame with matting board at 75% off. I can print my own pictures on my inkjet printer and they come out pretty flawless, especially on glossy photopaper. I know a photographer would be able to tell the difference, but I’m not opening a photo gallery anytime soon. I opted not to get the wooden or steel letters that could spell out BDSM somewhere in the house, that’ll be a project for another time.
As I’ve mentioned more times than I care to count, I love shopping for BDSM toys. But I also like a good bargain when I can see one, or create a deal from someone offering something that they no longer have a use for. About 90% of the time, I pull the trigger and manage to come away with something useable, and acceptable in price to both sides. Today, that didn’t happen. I’m a bit sorry it didn’t, both for me and for the seller, but sometimes you just can’t come to an agreement on price.
This all took place on Fetlife, where I tend to haunt the Kinky Items for Sale and similar groups for bargains. This morning I happened to notice a new post from someone in NY saying that they’re in the midst of spring cleaning and want to part with some of their toy collection. “Great!” I think to myself. “Let’s see what they’re offering.”
It’s a small list, but at least there are references to pictures on their profile. Anymore, people who list items forget that a picture really is worth a thousand words. There’s so much more to see in a picture of what you’re offering than you can accurately describe in words. I click over to their profile and look over the proffered pictures. Already I can see there are interesting items that I might have an interest in. A pair of heavy leather padded restraints with locking buckles, a pair of interestingly designed wooden paddles, that are described as being made from tiger maple. Hmm, never heard of that type of wood before. But maple is a hardwood, and anything that’s crafted from it will be hardy and sturdy. The last item was a quirt, or what some might call a dragontail. The seller was calling it a mini-whip, in that it only has two ‘tails’ off of the main belly of the whip.
Of all the prices that the seller was listing, about the only one that seemed out of whack was the padded cuffs. 2 wrist cuffs for $100 seemed a bit much. The nice part about the listing was that the seller did seem interested in haggling since she put at the end of her listing in larger red type OR BEST OFFER. That to me suggested that she wasn’t quite as firm in her preferences of price than she was listed originally. It’s good when there’s wiggle room.
I thought to myself about how much I should offer for all the items I was interested in. When I mentally tallied up what she was asking, I found it to be $180. I thought $150 might be acceptable as a counter-offer, and since I was going to be paying for the shipping, that might add in another $10-15 to the price. I typed up a message through Fetlife’s communication system, sent it off and went about my day. About 2 in the afternoon I checked my messages and sure enough, there was a reply. Though not quite the reply I was expecting. She didn’t seem to think much of my counter-offer. She stated that all the items I was interested in were going to be $200, not $180 like she’d listed. Eh?
I thought about the reply before writing back. It could be that she’d added in the shipping and came to the total of $200 that way, or maybe there was some other hanky-panky going on. In my reply, I reiterated that she’d clearly stated prices and that there was wiggle room in them when she’d stated that best offers would be accepted. However, if she wasn’t interested in being flexible, then I wasn’t really interested in overpaying for her used items. Popped off the message and had a reply within about 20 minutes. She confirmed that the price she’d quoted had included the shipping. No wiggle room, she was being firm. Too, she informed me that she had originally paid $300 for the cuffs, so she believed she was making someone a good bargain. Personally, at that point, I honestly believe someone had sold her some magic beans if they charged her that much for 2 locking leather restraints. No matter what sort of leather they might be made of. None of which I’d mentioned to her, I didn’t wish to be rude. I made my final reply saying I was no longer interested.
All in all, I think I made the right decision. Don’t get me wrong, I really would have liked to have everything I originally mentioned, but the prices were just too out of range for what I would feel comfortable paying. Yes, there have been times when I’ve overpaid for items, but as I recall, it was because of who had made the items in question, they were established artisans so the prices might have been considered a little excessive by some, but as with things like a painting by Picasso, you don’t get it for a song, you get it for what the market will bear. Even if the finished product is basically canvas and ink.
Better luck next time!
Almost forgot. I did a little research on tiger maple and discovered it’s not anything really special, it’s a by-product of red maple, just sometimes how the striations are in the wood when it’s cut. It’s also called ‘flame maple’ because of the stripes. So in theory, I could make my own paddle with the woodworking tools that my father left me. Something to be aware of. Interesting factoid.
Last year I made a foray into collaring my slave. Given that we’re separated by 3 states here in the US, and she has a job where she interacts with the public a great deal, initially we had decided on something that was, or could be ‘mistaken’ for something less than it actually was. Unlike fiction, anything can be considered a ‘collar’, per se. With a previous submissive, we settled on an ‘Eternity’ cuff, a steel circlet that could be made semi-permanent by the fact that it was secured with a screw. If I had kept the allen wrench that controlled the screw, then (at least in theory), I could control when it was on and when it was off. If my submissive were creative, and wishing to be ‘bad’, she could get an allen wrench on her own and remove it if she wished. But we didn’t have that sort of relationship, she honored the cuff as well as the symbolism which it engendered, and I allowed her to have a wrench in case it needed to come off for some reason, unforseen by either of us. And it worked, for as long as the relationship lasted. I still have the cuff, she returned it to me about 6 months after we parted ways.
For my current charge, after searching high and low for the ‘right’ collar, I found an artisan on Etsy that crafted jewelry that was both aesthetically pleasing as well as functional. Granted the artisan in question lives/works in Russia, so getting something from her was going to take some time. Too, since my slave informed me that she doesn’t so much like a necklace/collar that rides too high on her throat, I had to have a longer than normal version of the collar crafted to accommodate her needs. All in all it took a little less than a month from the time that I initially contacted the artisan, to the time when the collar arrived in my mailbox. Fortunately, it coincided with my trip to visit with my girl in Pennsylvania last year and during a little ceremony in our hotel room, I presented her with it and she began wearing it as close to 24/7 as she could.
But then tragedy struck. The collar was lost during a trip she had made to a local (for her) beach. To her credit, once it was discovered as missing she immediately went back to the place where she had been (it was close to the middle of the night) to search for it, but unfortunately it wasn’t to be found. Needless to say, I was less than pleased. I paid a good amount of money for it, and in the space of a couple of months, it was gone. Just like that. I have to admit, it was the first anything of that nature that a submissive of mine lost. Considering that it was only in her possession for a little over a month, I wasn’t exactly in a hurry to get something else in the same vein.
It’s now been seven months since the last collar escaped. In that time we’ve had several conversations about ‘when is she going to get a new collar‘. As before, it’s not an easy answer because it’s not an insignificant investment. Especially since we now can confirm something that can be removed can easily be lost. So in spite of the fact that she has a preference for something that’s loose around her throat, I’m thinking that it’s going to be my preference this time, that it be something that’s difficult to remove. Not impossible, since we’re separated by mileage and hours, but something that requires invested effort to remove.
So, the main purveyors in this genre are Eternity and ROS (Ring Of Steel). (There’s also Damax on the continent, but due to shipping issues and overseas exchange rates I’m mainly concentrating on domestic suppliers) ROS has a version that’s they refer to as a ‘Stealth’ collar, in that it’s only 1/4″ diameter steel tubing. Consequently, it tends to be less noticeable, or allows it to fade into the background, as it were. Of course, as I’ve noticed over the years, it’s usually the person themselves that either call attention to something or not, depending on how they wear it. If the wearer treats the item as an extension of themselves, then others don’t necessarily look at the item as something unusual. If it’s the reverse, and they’re uncomfortable with it, then it tends to get noticed more often.
In order to do this right of course, I need an accurate measurement (again). We have a visit planned for the end of April or the beginning of May, so I can get her neck measured and if I’m completely certain, I can send off the order to whichever business I determine is going to give me the best bang for my buck, as well as can have it completed in a fair amount of time. Small time artisans don’t work on an assembly line, they’re not putting out wares for the masses, at least you hope they’re not. As the old saw goes; Quality vs. Quantity.
There will be updates. This isn’t the final decision.