relationships

How do you define ‘relationship’?

Honestly, I hadn’t thought much about this until this morning, when my pet informed me that she’d had a conversation with a friend at a munch, and this was the gist of it.  When the friend asked about her relationship with me, in that we’re not in the same household, it’s long-distance, and for at least four years we were apart, his conclusion was; that what we have isn’t (in his opinion) a relationship.

Furthermore, I don’t understand what his disconnect is on the issue, other than the fact that we’re not in the same house.  Two people that love one another, are trying to build something between them, and the fact that they’re not necessarily being physically intimate (to whatever degree) appears to be his undoing as far as logic goes.  To be clear, initially, when my pet informed me of his problem my mental response was akin to telling him to go piss up a rope.  He’s not the arbiter of our happiness now, nor will he ever be in the future.

After having thought about it in the ensuing day or so, it made me consider the issue from a different perspective.  Perhaps his issue is with the concept of distance, in that two people that are separated by it can’t have a typical, normal relationship that’s been tested in time over the centuries.  Though in my own mind, that would preclude people that were in conflicts like World War II, when soldiers in some cases were separated from their loved ones for many years, and yet when reunited, were able to continue with their relationship as if no time at all had passed.  Granted some got divorced because they had either grown apart, or the horrors of war had made them strange bedfellows, PTSD can be a nasty issue even in today’s conflicts.  But, I digress.

From a further conversation with my pet, she informed me the friend in question’s issue is more of his particular interpretation of BDSM, in that there’s a greater instance of sex and/or intercourse at the conclusion of play, which doesn’t exist in my own.  I’ve found over the years that many that have become introduced to the scene see it through the eyes (or screens) of pay sites, where the old adage rings true “sex sells“.  This is true if you’re wanting to get clicks or $$ from people observing or participating on your website, but if you break down the acronym BDSM, there’s NOTHING in the letters to denote that the payoff is sex.

The bottom line, we have a relationship.  And if her friend doesn’t like it, with all (or little) due respect; he can go fuck himself.

Operation Home away from Home

My girl moved into a new apartment within the last week.  Even though she did most of the physical act of moving herself, she had assistance.  Even so, there were some things missing that she’s been without in the last few years.  When you share an apartment with a roommate, you tend to not need as many things as you would when living on your own.  When I asked her about the nuts and bolts of how she was going to cook and eat and so on, there was silence at the end of the phone line.  She has the basics, but not much more than that.  Something needed to be done.

Starting from Amazon, I put into motion Operation Home away from Home.  I had a budget in my brain, and I’m very interested in keeping to it, so as not to put myself into a financial bind.  To that end, I’ve furnished her kitchen, (glassware, crockery, small appliances and cooking utensils) made inroads into the bathroom (towels and a shower curtain) as well as a few other odds and ends.  I even went so far as to shop at Walmart.  For anyone that knows me, that’s a huge foray into the dark side as I normally wouldn’t be caught dead in one.  Being a dyed in the wool union member and shopping somewhere that is very anti-union is something at loggerheads.  But as they tend to sometimes have better prices than places like eBay, Wayfair, Overstock and yes even Amazon, one does what they have to keep to a budget.

metalbound-bed

metalbound.com canopy bed with stockade and cage

Seeing as I’m coming perilously close to my self-imposed monetary limit, the bigger ticket items (bed frame, dinette set, sofa/loveseat, rolling kitchen island, nightstand) are probably going to have to wait.  I have a particular bed frame in mind, as I want one that is useful for BDSM purposes, not just be comfortable to sleep in.  If I can’t have something like this, then I’ll make do with a iron frame bed and make minor changes to create something acceptable until I can afford a $4,000.00 bed frame.  Or have someone else make something similar.  Or even make it myself when I have a better understanding of welding.  Lots of possibilities that can be created in due time.

I know she’s going to be happy with whatever I purchase (except for the very act of doing so, as we’ve already talked about this whole thing at length), but in decorating your own place, there’s always the personal touch.  My idea of what furniture and such to buy isn’t necessarily in the same vein as hers.  I know there’s going to be some decisions I make she’s not going to be thrilled with.  Except the sugar-skull shower curtain.  That was accepted with enthusiasm.  Up to this point I’ve not really consulted her on brand names, options of colors and so on.  I’ve just been going from memory of what I thought she needed right away.  When you’re renting an unfurnished apartment, time is usually of the essence.  As the months go by, there will be conversations about the above issues.  Compromise, certainly.  But I figure by summertime her apartment will be pretty well decorated.  At least I hope so.

Ultimately, my thinking in this is that yes, in time she could do much of this herself, but right now money is tight and just being able to pay the rent, basic necessities and so on is eating up what she makes in her job.  If I can help her out right now, it will pay dividends in the future, when I’m able to travel, visit and reap the rewards of her being able to live in comfort, rather than having only the bare basics.  No one should have to sleep on the floor in their own apartment.  Or eat off paper plates with plastic utensils.

 

Another door closes

I received a message while I was at work Friday. It was from the woman that I had interacted with last year. We had ‘met’ on FetLife and talked for a while, met in person, and even played a couple of times. But, life as it does, gets in the way. Her family has had issues over a long period of time, and that managed to put a crowbar into our interactions. (No fault of theirs, family issues happen.) Then COVID reared its ugly head and by early 2020, any further meetings were out of the question. So things went dormant. We kept in touch every now and again through FL as well as text, but there were long stretches of time when there would be no communication.

The message said basically, due to multiple deaths in her family over the ensuing months (not due to COVID) and an ongoing medical issue with her parents, she was going to be stepping away from kink for the foreseeable future. That too would mean she wouldn’t be meeting with me anymore either. She thanked me for what I had shared with her, and my patience over the year waiting for something that wasn’t going to reoccur. I told her (truth) that it was enjoyable while it lasted and wished her the best with whatever was to come in the future. I don’t see anything happening further on up the road with her. While it was interesting to explore a bit in the interim, we really didn’t ‘mesh’ very well in my opinion. Being completely brutally honest; I want to be playing with my slave. She’s the one that I’ve invested time and effort in, the one that I want to build a future with. But with COVID running rampant through the country right now, states going through their second version of lockdowns, and travel just not recommended, it’s not going to happen in 2020.

So another door closes. I’m biding my time and hoping for a better 2021. In this morning’s news, Moderna has said that their vaccine for COVID may be 94.5% effective. So there might actually be a light at the end of this tunnel after all. And not an oncoming train.

Mothballs

After my rather upbeat tome about upgrading my playspace, I received some rather sobering news. My new playmate has had some recurring issues with close family members afflicted with life-threatening illnesses and has made the decision that she (at least for the foreseeable future) will not be available for further play. So, bang goes that opportunity.

Too, my slave has discovered that it may very well be until the end of 2020 before she can make it this far for a visit, though I have to admit she has been making leaps and bounds into the process of finding a way up here. It’s not simple when you have limited funds, oodles of bills and such and you’re in a depressed area to begin with. Consequently, it seems a waste of time and resources to update or upgrade a playspace that’s going to be covered in dust (again) by the time anyone is available to be using it.  Quite honestly, I find that to be incredibly sad.  Though not really unexpected, given how often I’m ever able to express my kink in the physical sense.

There are times when I’m tempted to chuck the whole thing and just ‘retire’ like the wife did several years ago.  She increasingly became despondent about finding someone with whom she could express her kink, play for lack of a better term and just said ‘enough’.  Her toy collection was folded into mine, although every time I drag out the toy bags she laments about this toy or that being the ones that she brought into our house/relationship and I always say that she can have them back whenever she says the word, but she never does.

Within the last several days my slave received a message on Fetlife from someone in my area, who thought it a good idea to interject himself into our relationship, merely because he was having an impossible time finding someone to interact with on a kink level.  Basically he was saying “hi, you don’t know me, but I think I know you from somewhere.  IF you and Leathers were interested in using me as a practice toy for your play in the future, I’d greatly appreciate it, since it’s been 30 years since I’ve been in the scene, and I haven’t found anyone to play with.”  She brought it to my attention and I had to write him, telling him that while I understand it can be a bitch problem with finding someone compatible, oftentimes it’s better not to put yourself (uninvited) in someone else’s relationship merely because you’re feeling desperate.  As of this writing he’s not deigned to reply.  Not sure he ever will.

So, for the time being the playspace will be relegated to darkness and dust.  Again.  At least I was able to get some padding for the floor in case there’s a need for it to be used.  And the heater works again.  I suppose it’s probably for the best I didn’t do too much work in that area, as more than likely there are going to be furnace installers in the basement in the coming months, switching out and probably upgrading our furnace, and who needs questions about all the equipment there?

Investing for the future

My slave and I had a small conversation this afternoon, that sort of started when I arrived home from running errands with my wife.  It was a continuation of a conversation (after a fashion) she and I had been having over the last few days.  

She’s been having trouble getting used to using Spotify without the fancy doodads that are included with a paid membership.  I’ve been paying for her membership for the most part over the last year.  It ran out sometime in the last week or so, and the lack of the ability to fast forward as well as other expectations were getting to be a little much for her.  There was a veiled mention of the fact this week is National Nurse’s Aide Week, and generally, on those sorts of weeks, the professional or worker in question gets a gift.  Usually from their employer or a spouse, in recognition of the work that the person does and doesn’t necessarily get noticed or rewarded. 

I looked it up and yes it certainly is that particular week, and since none of her family were likely to be moved to give her anything, much less her employer (the CEO sent out a blanket statement to the workforce, thanking them for their hard work, their dedication and so on, basic boilerplate in lieu of anything more substantial, like money for instance) I was intending to extend her Spotify membership anyway, as a reward for all of her hard work and dedication and because sometimes its the right thing to do.  

Of course, I hadn’t done it right away, so there was a text message this afternoon for all intents and purposes pleading with me to re-up ASAP since she was really having a hard time without it.  My response in this instance was typically me “Oy”.   I also made reference to a saying that I have whenever someone says something is driving them crazy.  I would have thought after 3-4 years of knowing me, she would have known about it, and I even suggested she could earn brownie points for it, but no, she didn’t.  I had to clue her in about it.  Again.

Person #1:  I can’t stand it anymore, it’s driving me crazy!

Person #2: Y’know, it’s not so much a long drive, as a short putt.

Yes, I think it’s funny.  Honestly, I don’t care if you don’t.  If you do, woo woo and a ^5.

At this point, I made an off-hand comment about needing to make an Amazon shopping list, since there were several other things I knew she was out of, and with money being tight, unlikely she was going to be getting them anytime soon.  Naturally, once I put one thing in the cart (sunscreen) others started popping to mind that she was going to need in the near future.    At some point, I asked a question I hadn’t inquired about for many months.  Whether or not she had a decent pair of shoes for work.  As expected, the answer was no, she was still wearing ones she got from the dollar store, of all places.  So back to Amazon to seek out a sturdy pair of nurse’s shoes, that will last longer than however long dollar store shoes last.  Five minutes would be my off-handed guess on that one.  

Naturally, I found several possibles, but the designs on them were fairly hideous.  Does no one make shoes in plain white, or black anymore?  After more time than I thought I would spend on this mission, I finally came across a pair of Skechers that would do well.  Made certain of the sizing, and put them in the cart.  

Lastly, I asked about her medications.  In for a penny, in for a pound, right?  After some banter, and back and forth, she admitted that she was out of two important ones that are OTC, and could be ordered from Amazon.  Popped them into the cart, along with some generic Aleve and I was pretty much done.  I added in the Spotify gift card and called it complete.  During the final part of the conversation, we covered the one thing we always do, when she tells me “You don’t have to do this.”   Believe me, slave, I know I don’t have to.  But I also know no one else is going to help out.  You may not be blood, but in a very important manner, you’re my responsibility.   So I do what I can when I can.  If positions were reversed, you’d be doing this as well.  We’ve had that particular conversation more times than I can count.

I closed out the cart and put the shipping information in, my CC info and pressed the ‘Place the Order’ button.  It’s on its way to her and should arrive by Saturday.  I know she’s grateful, I know she’s also a bit melancholy that I had to bail her out again.  Should be a trifecta when she reads this and sees I posted about it.  

In for a penny, in for a pound.  I’m investing in our future.  At least that’s what I’m telling myself.