Communication is one of the main linchpins to any relationship, that goes without saying. Keeping the lines open is necessary for forging ahead with anything else that you do, for if you don’t, how can you keep the other apprised of things that are happening in your head, much less what can be possible elsewhere in the relationship? To that end, every morning, I write a message to my slave.
With all my other D/s relationships, it started out pretty differently. They were required to write to me, and during the course of the day I would either respond in email or we’d meet up on IRC or whatever other method we were using to keep in touch. I’ve never really had a BDSM relationship with someone who lived here with me long-term, at least no one that was directly involved in my orbit. (We’ve had submissives living with us in our home, but they weren’t my subs, they belonged to my wife) Certainly I would have preferred to do it the other way, but circumstances just never matched up so that the subs/bottoms I found were local to me. Such is the way of my world, y’know?
As I’ve mentioned before, my current slave/pet lives several states away from me. We’ve been trying to figure out how to get together more often, but the old bugaboo of money keeps getting in the way. So in the interim, we’re relegated to phone calls, texts, emails and the like to keep in touch. I start out every morning with a message to her (well, it’s usually mornings), and she responds when she has the chance. Lunchtime (if I’m at work) I send her another message, and again she responds (as time permits). After work, the same thing and so on. Days off for me are a little more hit and miss, since I’m not rising at the same time as I would be for work, I get busy with this and that, and often (to her chagrin) I forget to post the message in a timely manner. Nobody’s perfect, and she understands that. I do what I can, when I can.
But, a little bit of something from someone who you’re connected with helps. That’s pretty much my message here. Try not to get despondent if its been many months since the last time you’ve laid eyes on one another. Try to be upbeat. If you can, send something along to them (or they to you) to remind them of yourself or vice versa. I read on another blog about how a Dominant sent his submissive a bottle of his favorite cologne, so his submissive could spritz it on a shirt and sleep with it, or have something that smells like him around so she could be closer in a manner of speaking. I thought that was a fantastic idea and I implemented it. Now granted I don’t normally wear cologne, but there’s a certain fragrance that I’ve always preferred. Along with some other items, I bundled the bottle I had in my bathroom cabinet up and sent it to my girl. She’s been using it (sparingly I hope!) in the manner to which I described, and it helps melt the miles a bit. She also has clothing of mine, as well as a flogger I presented her early on in our relationship.
Finally, I have a counter at the bottom of this blog. It tells me (and anyone else that cares to look) how long its been since the last time I’ve seen her. In person. I remember vividly where I was, and how long it took for her vehicle to vanish from my sight. I want to see her again, and could have if I chose to be the one to afford the trip, but we’ve agreed I’m not doing that anymore. A relationship is a two-way street. Both sides have to support it in all ways. So it may take a little longer, but I’ll see her again.