Well, 2021 has turned out to be a bust when it comes to getting together, it seems. With the pandemic, 2020 didn’t work out for a variety of reasons, but we expected this year was going to be different. While I was able to get out and travel a bit (stayed in my home state), I wasn’t able to make the ‘big trip’ going to see my girl. Which to be clear is a major downer, and there are more reasons than just COVID as to why this was the case.
Even so, time doesn’t stand still, and progress isn’t curtailed with an interpersonal relationship, whether it’s vanilla or kinky.
Even so, we’re moving forward to 2022. The new plan is for her to come here in the Spring. In the meantime, I’ve set up a video feed here so that she can have an anchor of sorts here at the house, be able to see me (which is important) and we can interact in a new way, to augment the ones that we’ve been making use of for the last three and a half years. So far, it seems to be working out OK. In the morning before I go to work, we can interact a bit while I get dressed and in the evening she has limited access to the house network, as much as is needed for her to be able to interact and participate. As before, so far it seems to be working out.
Even so, the distance and the time factor hasn’t been easy on either of us. I often equate it to a soldier in olden times going off to war (think Crusades or some conflict where communication wasn’t exactly modern) being separated by years with the folks back home and only seeing one another every few years. A lot of things are missed in that time.
One hopes too, that come 2022 the pandemic will be a rather nasty memory in the history of the world. And not current events.
I’ve been using a section of my basement for a play space for the past 20 years. Before that, we lived in another house and there too I utilized part of the basement area for BDSM play. There are other portions of this house that could be used for that purpose, but as it happens so infrequently (hopefully something that will be changing in the near future) dedicating a certain area and decorating, as well as outfitting it for that eventual/expected activity always seemed to be a waste of funds, time and effort.
A couple of months ago I had a new playmate over to the house for a session, and we used the basement. Seeing as it was November and getting colder outside, in the area it was about 62-63°F (16-17°C) which for clothed people was all well and good, but for someone with limited clothing, it wasn’t exactly ideal. Having considered that issue in years past, I had purchased a space heater that works off of 1 lb propane bottles and is rated for indoor use. Unfortunately, it hadn’t been used in probably 6 years or more, so when I went to light the pilot, nothing happened. I fiddled around with it for a few minutes, determining that the bottles of propane that I had were still viable, it was just there wasn’t anything for the pilot to light. So, for the time being, we made do best that we could, but the play session was somewhat abbreviated due to the chilliness of the basement. Moving the whole shebang upstairs wasn’t going to work as there wasn’t any space set aside for that purpose, so I made a note that I was going to have to do something before another session occurred. As it happened, that may not be for at least a few more weeks, due to the new playmate’s schedule, and mine not meeting up in an acceptable fashion. If anything, it gives me time to make things better for the next occurrence.
This morning, having the day off from work, and armed with information that I’d gleaned from YouTube about cleaning the space heater, I set to work with Q-tips, rubbing alcohol and a can of compressed air. After using a paper towel and water to clean the accumulated dust and cobwebs off the heater, I used the compressed air canister to blow air into the vents, and give it a bit of a going over trying to get it as clean as possible on the outside. Once that was accomplished, I set to work with the Q-tips and alcohol, using one to clean out the tube where the propane is supposed to come out and be lit by the ignitor. Again using the compressed air canister, I cleaned out the tube a bit more with a few well-spaced air blasts and re-attached the propane canister, checking to be sure the connection was ok before turning on the unit and pressing the ignitor. Voila! Success! The pilot lit on the first try. It did take me a few minutes to get the hang of when to switch the heater over to get the ceramic heating tile lit and beginning to warm. Once that had been accomplished, I was able to repeat the process a few times committing it to memory so I didn’t have to consult the instructions over and over. According to the instruction booklet, this heater should be able to adequately warm an area of approximately 200 sq ft (18.5 sq m) without too much trouble. Not being sure exactly how big that was, I eventually determined it was approximately the area of a one-car garage. So the heater should do the trick for the area I was going to be using. In theory.
Another issue I want to address is the floor. Seeing as it is a basement and has a rudimentary poured concrete floor, (probably created sometime in the 1950s or 60s) and the walls are made out of fieldstone with 19th-century mortar; it’s naturally rather chilly there most of the time. Too, it’s not necessarily the most accommodating of spaces when it comes to throwing whips and storing toys. More than once I’ve lamented over the fact that I store my spanking bench there, with its leather padding. I’ve been fortunate so far in that it hasn’t mildewed over the years but adding more toys of the same vein I can’t guarantee one of them might suffer that fate. Certainly one can get furniture re-padded and so on, but if you can keep it from happening in the first place, that’s actually a better idea. In my travels on Amazon, I happened to stumble upon a semi-solution for the floor issue. There’s interlocking padding one can purchase that isn’t too expensive and it can insulate the floor a bit, as well as make it hospitable for bare feet, or even stockinged feet. Certainly, I don’t wish to spend too much in that area if in time I move the play area upstairs, but for the time being, it’s not a bad idea to make it a bit more hospitable for those that are going to be gracing me with their presence.
Communication is one of the main linchpins to any relationship, that goes without saying. Keeping the lines open is necessary for forging ahead with anything else that you do, for if you don’t, how can you keep the other apprised of things that are happening in your head, much less what can be possible elsewhere in the relationship? To that end, every morning, I write a message to my slave.
With all my other D/s relationships, it started out pretty differently. They were required to write to me, and during the course of the day I would either respond in email or we’d meet up on IRC or whatever other method we were using to keep in touch. I’ve never really had a BDSM relationship with someone who lived here with me long-term, at least no one that was directly involved in my orbit. (We’ve had submissives living with us in our home, but they weren’t my subs, they belonged to my wife) Certainly I would have preferred to do it the other way, but circumstances just never matched up so that the subs/bottoms I found were local to me. Such is the way of my world, y’know?
As I’ve mentioned before, my current slave/pet lives several states away from me. We’ve been trying to figure out how to get together more often, but the old bugaboo of money keeps getting in the way. So in the interim, we’re relegated to phone calls, texts, emails and the like to keep in touch. I start out every morning with a message to her (well, it’s usually mornings), and she responds when she has the chance. Lunchtime (if I’m at work) I send her another message, and again she responds (as time permits). After work, the same thing and so on. Days off for me are a little more hit and miss, since I’m not rising at the same time as I would be for work, I get busy with this and that, and often (to her chagrin) I forget to post the message in a timely manner. Nobody’s perfect, and she understands that. I do what I can, when I can.
But, a little bit of something from someone who you’re connected with helps. That’s pretty much my message here. Try not to get despondent if its been many months since the last time you’ve laid eyes on one another. Try to be upbeat. If you can, send something along to them (or they to you) to remind them of yourself or vice versa. I read on another blog about how a Dominant sent his submissive a bottle of his favorite cologne, so his submissive could spritz it on a shirt and sleep with it, or have something that smells like him around so she could be closer in a manner of speaking. I thought that was a fantastic idea and I implemented it. Now granted I don’t normally wear cologne, but there’s a certain fragrance that I’ve always preferred. Along with some other items, I bundled the bottle I had in my bathroom cabinet up and sent it to my girl. She’s been using it (sparingly I hope!) in the manner to which I described, and it helps melt the miles a bit. She also has clothing of mine, as well as a flogger I presented her early on in our relationship.
Finally, I have a counter at the bottom of this blog. It tells me (and anyone else that cares to look) how long its been since the last time I’ve seen her. In person. I remember vividly where I was, and how long it took for her vehicle to vanish from my sight. I want to see her again, and could have if I chose to be the one to afford the trip, but we’ve agreed I’m not doing that anymore. A relationship is a two-way street. Both sides have to support it in all ways. So it may take a little longer, but I’ll see her again.