#bdsm-relationships

How do you define ‘relationship’?

Honestly, I hadn’t thought much about this until this morning, when my pet informed me that she’d had a conversation with a friend at a munch, and this was the gist of it.  When the friend asked about her relationship with me, in that we’re not in the same household, it’s long-distance, and for at least four years we were apart, his conclusion was; that what we have isn’t (in his opinion) a relationship.

Furthermore, I don’t understand what his disconnect is on the issue, other than the fact that we’re not in the same house.  Two people that love one another, are trying to build something between them, and the fact that they’re not necessarily being physically intimate (to whatever degree) appears to be his undoing as far as logic goes.  To be clear, initially, when my pet informed me of his problem my mental response was akin to telling him to go piss up a rope.  He’s not the arbiter of our happiness now, nor will he ever be in the future.

After having thought about it in the ensuing day or so, it made me consider the issue from a different perspective.  Perhaps his issue is with the concept of distance, in that two people that are separated by it can’t have a typical, normal relationship that’s been tested in time over the centuries.  Though in my own mind, that would preclude people that were in conflicts like World War II, when soldiers in some cases were separated from their loved ones for many years, and yet when reunited, were able to continue with their relationship as if no time at all had passed.  Granted some got divorced because they had either grown apart, or the horrors of war had made them strange bedfellows, PTSD can be a nasty issue even in today’s conflicts.  But, I digress.

From a further conversation with my pet, she informed me the friend in question’s issue is more of his particular interpretation of BDSM, in that there’s a greater instance of sex and/or intercourse at the conclusion of play, which doesn’t exist in my own.  I’ve found over the years that many that have become introduced to the scene see it through the eyes (or screens) of pay sites, where the old adage rings true “sex sells“.  This is true if you’re wanting to get clicks or $$ from people observing or participating on your website, but if you break down the acronym BDSM, there’s NOTHING in the letters to denote that the payoff is sex.

The bottom line, we have a relationship.  And if her friend doesn’t like it, with all (or little) due respect; he can go fuck himself.

Storage

I’m in the midst of shopping for storage bins.  Since I’m not going to be doing any BDSM play for the forseeable future, I’ve been considering putting my toys away in a more protected manner than they’re currently residing in.  Especially my flogger collection, which is mostly hanging in my closet, where they can be hidden from light, so as not to fade, but also can be vulnerable to things like spiders and perhaps even mice, and that’s not just a creepy consideration, it’s downright scary and unacceptable.

I’ve been thinking about this for many months, hoping that the COVID situation was going to get better, that travel was going to be available again, but with the current political situation here in the US (and the President being a self-serving idiot constantly) any possible meetings this year just aren’t going to happen.  For the most part, my toys reside in toybags and converted luggage, with the longer toys (floggers, singletails, and other whips) mostly hanging up, but some are in cloth storage bags and nestled into one of my dresser drawers.  Of course, since my toys are taking up space in my dresser, my clothing is piled here and there in the spare bedroom where all of this is.  And honestly, it makes a bit of a mess, and we’re rather too cluttered as it is already.

At first I went to my old friend Amazon, but their prices for Rubbermaid™ totes was a little pricey, even with free Prime shipping.  Looking around a bit, I went to the usual suspects (Wayfair & Overstock) and really wasn’t finding anything better.  On more than a whim than anything else, I scooted over to the BigLots! website and was actually pretty surprised when I discovered the same totes Amazon was charging an arm and a leg for, for a whole lot less.  Too, they had a better selection, even some totes that could be wheeled under one’s bed, for more storage.  And since there’s a BL! within easy driving distance, I wouldn’t have to be concerned with either shipping or delivery.  So, this could be a huge win-win, even though I’m going to be storing things away for almost a year.

Now the question is….how many totes is it going to take to squirrel away my toy collection?  Any guesses?

Biding our time

Ok, might as well get the gory details out of the way, right?  It’s been over two years since we’ve seen one another in the flesh.  Two damn years.  Twenty-five months now.  Seven hundred and fifty days.  No, I’m not going to do hours, minutes and seconds.  Not only would that be pointless, it would be a wee bit soul-crushing, as if the previous realities weren’t already bad enough.

What do we do in the meantime?  How do we keep the connection fresh, or at the very least less morbid?  Well, I have to tell you, it a’int easy.  Considering with the current situation it very well may be another year before either of us can travel to the other to visit.  Just the way things are now.  I suppose it would be even worse if she or I were in another country, but honestly, six hours distance might as well be six thousand miles at this point.

So again, what do we do with our time, separate though it may be? We keep in touch, just as we have been over the many days, weeks and months since that magical time in Pennsylvania in 2018. We make use of modern communication techniques, as well as old-fashioned ones. Telephone/cellphone calls, video chats (made easier since I purchased an iPad a month or so ago and with the pandemic companies have come through with updated and easier to use video apps like Google Duo) and using the mail to send things back and forth for holidays, birthdays and other memorable occasions. I upgraded her cellphone, giving her my old Galaxy Note 8 after I purchased a (gently) used Galaxy S20 from an app called Swappa.

In the same vein, since the early days of our relationship, we have a ritual, if you will in order to keep in touch. I send her a good morning message on Facebook Messenger, and if she feels so inclined, she’ll respond with a message of her own. In it, I detail how I slept overnight (I use a CPAP and she worries), anything that’s going to be happening with my upcoming day, and any future things that might be occurring to me at the time. When it’s a workday, I am able to communicate to her on my lunch, so we may have anywhere from a few minutes, to ten to fifteen during that time to talk about my day, her day, or whatever might be happening at the time. I get an opportunity to decompress, talk to someone about how my day is going, since my work tends to be a little more stressful at times than hers. (I work in retail, she works in home health care)

Towards evening, we have a phone or video call in the car on the way home. Oftentimes I’ll drive a couple streets over and park in a semi-abandoned parking lot and we’ll have 30-35 minutes to talk, just talk about whatever. My day, her day, current events, plans for the future, dreams or even daydreams. It’s nice to be able to talk, muse or just be together, even though we’re apart. It’s not the best solution, but for the time being it’s just going to have to do.