May 29, 2018

An ‘open letter’ to potential future assholes.

Yesterday when my girl and I were having a conversation, she mentioned to me that she received a message on Fetlife from a guy.  That in and of itself isn’t unusual, women tend to get tons of mail in comparison to most any male on the site.  That’s always been the case, no matter what sort of interpersonal website you’re on.  Women are in demand, even ones that have clearly stated profiles that say they’re not looking.  Guys are going to ignore what’s right in front of them and send a message anyway, hoping to get a hit.

She mentioned this one to me, because in her mind, there was something different about it.  She had gone to his profile, and looked it over.  What she saw there raised more questions than answers.  So she was naturally curious about him and perhaps there was a potential for a new friend, not necessarily a play friend, but when you’re quasi-alone in a new area, you want to make a few friends so you’re not bored when you’re not working.  Someone to hang out with, talk to, go places with.  That sort of thing.  Nothing wrong with that, right?  We humans are social creatures.  We don’t do well in a vaccum.  Ask any shut-in.  Being alone is monumentally boring.

The fellow (I’m being generous here with that description) that wrote didn’t give any introduction, salutation or anything of that sort.  Just a quick dash off message.  “Hi, I’m currently looking for a play partner to have fun with.”  Which is fine, to a point.  However, had he bothered to read through my girl’s profile, it clearly states (in several places) that she’s in a committed relationship, she’s most definitely NOT poly inclined and if someone wished to write to her, they needed to contact me first, not her.  So our interloper is already at three strikes and he’s not even aware of it. (Nor as it later turns out, does he care)

My girl and I both live in the United States, and yesterday was Memorial Day, a federal holiday.  Meaning that most people have the day off.  Someone that works in a service industry may not, as in this case.  So after 5 hours of waiting for a reply, (and not getting one because of the fact she’s at work) our interloper sends another message.  Mind you, my girl is aware that he’s written, Fetlife in no way has a method of informing someone writing that the other party has read what was written, so he’s unaware that she’s seen it, or hasn’t.  His second message is a little more pointed.  And in CAPS, so it’s akin to shouting.  It says (exact quote here) “ANOTHER IDIOT”.    Seriously?   You’re looking for a potential play partner and you send this drivel?  Obviously not caring how it’s going to be received, just letting that shit fly.

So now my dander is up.  I was fine before with having her just send a quick note (almost in jest) to him saying “I’m looking for someone that knows how to read a profile and follow the rules.”  Perhaps at that point he’d realize his error, and write to me with an apology and attempt to start over, or at the very least make things right.  That’s what any intelligent, contrite and respectful person would do.  Oh no, not our boy.  This isn’t going to end pretty.  She asks if she can write him back.  Sure, I’m fine with that, as long as I get to proofread what is headed back in his direction.  She did a fine job, but got a little snagged at the end with how to conclude.  After a moment I fashioned a suitable closing, with a note that I was now aware of his interaction with her and would be contacting him shortly to make my presence known.

She sent it off and we resumed our conversation.  About an hour later, he wrote again.  Not to me…to her. A final shot across the bow, if you were.  Again, in caps.  “SERIOUSLY, FUCK OFF”.  Eloquent to the last.  At this point, I just informed her that she would be blocking him on the site.  Cut off all future communication, he’s a lost cause.  I fully intended to write to him that evening, but a situation arose here with my wife that took precedence (she’s now come down with bronchitis as well) and that needed to be handled (an e-visit with a doctor and a couple prescriptions before the pharmacy here closed helped immeasureably) so it got stuck on the back burner.  I didn’t actually get to bed until almost 1 this morning, but by then my desire to write back to this asshole had abated somewhat.  But not entirely gone away.  Which is why I’m writing about it here.

Perhaps someone reading this tale that is thinking about doing the same thing to someone else out there will read it, take it to heart and NOT do that very thing.  Be the better person.  Be intelligent.  Read the rules and follow them.  It’s not all that hard.  Follow the golden rule (not the one about whoever has the gold makes the rules), treat others how you’d like to be treated.  Quite honestly, at the time, if this asshole had been in front of me, I would have throat punched him for talking to my girl that way.  No one deserves to be treated like that.  NO. FUCKING. ONE.  He damn sure wouldn’t have done it if we were at a munch and standing in front of him.  So why do it elsewhere?  On his profile he states quite prominently that he’s been in the military and has a concept of what honor and respect are.  Definitely didn’t show it yesterday.

My girl and I had a really good day yesterday.  In spite of this person.  But it would have been even better if we didn’t have to deal with it.