May 2017

What sort of future do you want to build?

Over the last few months, I’ve become aware of a website that depicts a different take on a power exchange relationship.  It seems to have elements of the old Insex shoots, as well as others that are typical to BDSM themed websites, but there’s a new twist to the site that’s come into being over the last 3 weeks.

The owner of the site and his muse, have embarked on a more Owner/pet dynamic, instead of the Master/slave dynamic they’ve been following for the last couple of years.  A bit more ritualistic than the interactions have been, the muse has been put on a strict diet, consisting of no human food; just a food supplement called ‘Soylent’ and she (or it, the site seems to go back and forth on whether the sub is an object or not, hopefully in time they’ll be more clear on terminology) has a set or rules that she’s supposed to adhere to.  The owner of the site has started to advertise a bit on FetLife, through his account, attempting to drum up business, since any fetish website costs $$, from the equipment you’re using to the bandwidth you’re consuming, it all has to have a positive balance sheet, or else you’re not going to be in business very long.  Especially if you’re doing it basically on your own, which seems to be the case here.

I mentioned it to Miss and sent her some screenshots of a live feed video that I was watching on my tablet while I spoke to her.  She seemed interested and asked me rather pointedly if that was something I was A) turned on by, and B) interested in trying.  (FWIW, Miss wasn’t too interested in the food replacement, she has an idea of meals delivered in a different manner)

Talking about A is fairly straightforward.  Was I turned on by it?  Yes.  Was I turned on in a way that I wanted to ‘rub one out’?  No.  Why is that?  Well, I don’t know you dear reader, so I’m going to be keeping that one to myself.

B is a lot more complicated.  I’ve been in the lifestyle since the early 1980s.  Experienced a great deal, and fantasized about far more.  I was around when Insex first started, and even before that, I’d spent many a day glued to my (then antiquated) computer, downloading porn on a dial-up connection. (more than once racking up $1,000 long distance bills) BulletinBoardSystems (BBS’s) were my avenue of choice back then since really nothing else existed.  After that came CompuServe, a precursor to the Internet.  It was one of the Big 4 (the others being Prodigy, GEnie and everyone’s favorite to hate, America Online) and it took a little know-how to connect to one of these systems, the concept of “plug and play” didn’t exist, so generally the people you interacted with had a bit of education and were tech savvy.  Sure there were assholes and predators, but far fewer than one sees today.  But I’m getting off topic here.

Something like what’s going on at the website isn’t a fling sort of thing, it’s all inclusive.  It’s literally a lifestyle change.  At least if you’re dedicated to it, and want to do it correctly.  Too, you’re going up against legal ramifications, since it’d be classified as ‘consensual non-consent’ if the police were to get involved.  Right now, here if I was to be put on the spot, I really don’t know if I want that sort of situation.  I’m honestly not sure I could do it.  And one thing I definitely don’t want to do is either disappoint or do something with my Miss that might be considered ‘on a whim’.  I’d like to be able to do it right the first time.  Sure there are going to be mistakes, miscues, misunderstandings etc.  There are in all relationships, of all stripes.  But I’d like to keep them to a minimum if possible.  No two people ever do the BDSM lifestyle the same way.  Everyone has their own interpretation of it.  Your Kink Is Not My Kink.  And so on.

I’m sure I’ll be revisiting this as time goes on.


Choose your words carefully… (or, you might want to be aware of the law of unintended consequences)

[Author’s Note: I’m currently on vacation from work, this post was begun on Friday, May 26]

This morning Miss and I were having a discussion.  Every morning when I get up for work, part of my routine is to spend time in the bathroom.  Obviously, I don’t have to be graphic, I’m sure you, my dear reader can understand what I’m doing.  If you can’t, feel free to email me and I’ll fill you in.

Usually, Miss is awake by the time I get up for work (she’s an early riser) and we have a conversation on Facebook Messenger.  She on her phone, I on my tablet.  Over the many months that we’ve been interacting, we’ve gone through several different messaging platforms (Kik, Telegram, Signal) and I’ve been reliably informed that the next preference may very well be WhatsApp.  Unfortunately, my Samsung Galaxy Note 10.1 is old enough that it doesn’t support WhatsApp, so that may not be an option.  Unless I can find a way to upgrade the OS.

The meat of this entry is due to an exchange that Miss and I had in the course of our conversation.  A lesson if you will, about choosing one’s words carefully before expressing them.  Normally, I generally think about what I say before I say it, though when I think about it, usually it’s trying to get the gist of what I’m saying across, not necessarily the tone or how my audience is going to react to it.  Since no two people react the same way to stimuli, it’d be near impossible to make sure that no one was ever slighted.  However, this morning, that wasn’t the case.  So here I am writing about it.

We were discussing a mutual acquaintance that had recently gotten into the lifestyle, but her method of doing so seemed a little, well, ‘scattergun’ for lack of a better term.  She had joined FetLife and had put down (as people do) her interests, but they all seemed to be bent on finding a sugar daddy, or someone that would breed her, and it was definitely rubbing both Miss and I the wrong way.  Giving someone the keys to the candy store, and watching them go in a completely opposite direction that you expected isn’t something that anyone likes to see, especially when Miss took this young woman under her wing and…well you get the picture.

In the midst of this conversation, I made a comment (more of a lament) that I’d spent years looking on FetLife as well as many other places for someone in the scene that I could interact with, play with and build something with, and wasn’t able to find what I was looking for.  The fact that there are people that with very little knowledge of the lifestyle, within a matter of weeks and sometimes days find exactly what they’re looking for, boggled me.  I didn’t say it annoyed me, but really it does.  It’s a peeve of mine.  What I wasn’t expecting was Miss’ reaction to it.  Taking offense to it.  Her exact words were “What am I, chopped liver?”  Well of course not, but that wasn’t my point either.  When thereupon asked what that point was, I stated that it was a bit of frustration on my part, over time lost, but Miss reminded me that what I’m seeing are people that are jumping into a situation that will most likely not be around in a year or so, that she and I are on a long-term path, and oh btw, you (meaning me) now have what they have and perhaps you might be a little more appreciative of it.

And right there was the law of unintended consequences.  I apologized for not thinking before speaking and suggested that perhaps I needed to write this down, if not just to remember it better, but to let it sink in better.  Think before you speak, and don’t spend time feeling sorry for yourself.  Work towards a better future and be grateful for what you have.

Again, Miss, I’m sorry.


Damn you, Postal Service!

It’s official, I’m not pleased with the USPS.  For the third time in several years, they managed to let me down.

The first time was when I shipped a used banjo to a buyer off eBay.  I informed her that it was coming, supplied her with the shipping confirmation number, when it was due to arrive, even purchased insurance to ‘guarantee’ it’s arrival, but unbeknownst to either of us, on the day it happened to arrive, she was late getting out of work.  She, living in an apartment, hadn’t asked any of her neighbors to keep an eye out for a large package, and in the ensuing 9 hours between delivery and her arriving home….it was stolen.  She contacted me telling me that she wanted a refund, but how could I do that?  I contacted the post office to inquire about the insurance, but was informed it didn’t cover what happened after the package was delivered, it covered what happened during shipment.  Once the postal carrier delivered the item, it was no longer their concern.  Which makes sense I suppose, but still, both of us ended up losing money (and a banjo) over it.  Being the nice person I am, I refunded half of her money, even though she wanted all of it.

Second instance was when I was sending a package to my Miss.  As it turns out, the postal service either couldn’t find her address or gave up on looking and returned the package to me.  There was sufficient postage on it, it wasn’t wrapped up in duct tape, there wasn’t anything wrong with it, it just returned to sender.  On the second try, it arrived.  Still don’t understand why that happened, but at least it got to where it was going, even if I had to pay for it twice.

Now for the third time.  My Miss and I had been discussing Mother’s Day back before the actual day, and I told her that I wanted to send her something, not necessarily for the holiday (our dynamic isn’t textbook MM/lb but it occasionally touches on some issues) but there was one thing I wanted her to have, and I thought it would be nice to include something else that I’d had for awhile and wanted her to have.  Finally, I included a personalized note, so that she could have something to remember me by, as well as for the holiday itself.  Packed it up nicely, took it to the post office, mailed it and was certain to insure it, as well as got the tracking number so that there shouldn’t be any problem.

Except there was.

Several days after it was shipped, my Miss informed me that she hadn’t received it.  I suggested that she wait a day or more and if there was still no arrival I would contact the post office and see where the package was.  2 days went by and I checked the online portal to see where the tracking number said it was.  When I punched in the numbers, I received a null reading.  As if the numbers weren’t valid.  Thought perhaps I’d entered a number in error so I did it again.  Same result.  Since it was evening, I wasn’t able to call the post office until the next day.  Instead of calling, I took it upon myself to go to the post office and talk to someone directly.  Had a chat with the postmaster, he told me that sometimes packages get lost temporarily in the system.  Once they’re located, it’s sorted out, doesn’t take very long, perhaps it was misplaced in a truck, or a sorting facility, not to worry.

More time goes by.  Finally this morning I talked to Miss via text and she said it still had not arrived!  Honestly!  I called the post office again and spoke to the postmaster.  He told me that they’d done their due diligence and were going to cut me a check for the insurance cost, since they can’t seem to find the package.  Again, so sorry, things do get lost.  The postal service isn’t infallible.  Through rain, sleet and snow, but sometimes a package can get lost between Point A and B.  It happens.

So, I get return on the value of the items, but I’d prefer to have had the package delivered the way it was designed to be.  Certainly can’t put a value on the paddle I’d saved for the right occasion, someone else is going to be reading that note I wrote for Miss..and then they’ll be able to use the main item for it’s intended purpose.

Bah, hate the USPS right now.